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Lessons In Love From Paws 4 Trust
Photo of Shirley Durnal
by: Joan Gabrielson, Executive Director
If Vanessa was having a bad day, her troubles would just melt away when she walked in and Boomer was there to greet her. Boomer always ran up to her, wagged his whole body and let Vanessa know that he was thrilled to see her. Then, for an hour, Boomer focuses on just Vanessa, listened to her problems, never interrupted and communicated unconditional acceptance and love.
Each week for the last 5 years, our furry friends with Paws 4 Trust have given this devotion to our girls at EYC. Our human volunteers (the handlers) and their dogs have demonstrated to Excelsior girls the power of compassion and unconditional love through the relationship of a human-animal bond. Paws 4 Trust meets weekly and teaches responsible caretaking of all animals, how to do obedience training, how to teach dogs to do tricks and how to safely interact with dogs. Plus, there is lots of time for talking to the dogs, petting them and getting sloppy kisses. These weekly sessions help our girls build trust with the dogs and handlers, calming the girls, empowering them as they teach the dogs skills and improving self esteem through the acceptance and unconditional love.
"It makes me happy just to pet them and to be able to tell any of my secrets to them," 18-year-old Anna said. "I used to hurt myself a lot with razors, and I ran away from a lot of (foster) homes. I had two dogs growing up, and the only thing that ever made me happy was being around them."
Many of our canine volunteers are rescue dogs from shelters or puppy mills. Girls who have been abused, or have felt abandoned or unloved see themselves in these dogs. One girl worked with a dog who had been at a puppy mill and said of him, "When he got food, he would eat it as fast as he could because he didn't know if he would get fed again - just like me".
Paws 4 Trust has given our girls true lessons in love and handling life’s challenges with grace and compassion. So often our girls do not know how to express sadness or grief in a socially acceptable manner. The pain becomes so overwhelming that it is frightening, so they act out in inappropriate ways, ie: hurting themselves or others. The handlers with Paws and Excelsior staff help our girls face tough, real life situations and learn that they are strong enough to show compassion and sadness in a healthy manner.
One of our beloved furry volunteers, Hank, was a Bernese Mountain Dog. This huge lovable guy couldn’t wait to get to the room where the Paws meetings were held. He greeted his girls with wags and licks. He comforted each girl who shared their stories with him. Then in early in 2010, Hank was diagnosed with cancer. Excelsior staff and Paws volunteers were concerned about telling the girls because so many of them have experienced so much pain in their lives. Hank’s handler, Jeanne Schoech, recalls, “we began our session by telling the girls about Hank’s cancer diagnosis. We focused not so much on his dying as we did on the value of each moment and celebrating the time we had together. For the next six weeks Hank was greeted with a bevy of young voices saying, “Ohhhh… Hank’s here. He made it! How’s he doing...” During one of these last visits one of the girls just sat and brushed Hank. When she was done she brought a large handful of Hank's fur to me and asked if she could keep it. We celebrated Hank's 8th birthday April 23rd with the girls. There were five dogs and handlers with ten girls eating cupcakes (the dogs had paw-t-fours), laughing, petting dogs, blowing bubbles for the dogs to catch, and just enjoying the time together.
One girl in particular spent a great deal of time with Hank, just
sitting quietly beside him and me, feeding him his treats, and petting
him. It was a happy, calm time when suddenly she shoved her chair
back, and said, "I don't want to touch him anymore. I am so mad
at him because he is dying!" Hank moved towards this girl and
I took a deep breath. Fortunately she sat back down while I explained
it was okay to feel angry; we all feel angry when we are faced with
losing something or someone we care about, and I too sometimes felt
that anger.
What happened next left me without words. The girl grabbed Hank, hugging
him close to her. She held onto him as if he were an anchor and said,
"Oh Hank... I love you and I am going to miss you so much."
She was able to recognize her anger, express it without retaliation,
and then turn away from the hurt towards gentleness and love.”
A second lesson in love from our Paws 4 Trust volunteers came when one of the original members of the program became terminally ill. Shirley Durnal won countless awards for her dancing with dogs and dog agility training. Shirley not only participated in the Paws 4 Trust therapy dog sessions, but mentored girls one-on-one, and performed her dancing routines for the girls with her wonderful golden retrievers. Jeanne Schoech says of Shirley, “ I can’t find words to capture the remarkable spirit and dedication of this lady. I see her in so many memories; quietly smiling while visiting with one of the girls, gently guiding a youth to a better way, teaching both the young people she came in contact with and also the adults, long conversations (mostly about dogs) after a therapy dog session, sharing mutual concerns about our families, laughing over some silliness in a dog class, joyously dancing with her dogs… a hundred little things that made being her friend not only easy, but a gift.”
Excelsior became an integral part of Shirley’s life. It was a commitment that Shirley took seriously and her dedication to “being there” was measured not just in the fulfillment she found personally, but the desire not to disappoint a girl that was depending on seeing her and her dog. Literally, she was there week after week without complaint always quietly smiling, always with a generous spirit.
Marisa Escobedo, Volunteer Coordinator, and the girls surprised Shirley with a special thank you party for her 5 years of giving to Excelsior girls and staff. Handlers, dogs, Shirley’s family members, girls and staff watched a slideshow of Shirley dancing, teaching, listening and laughing. With the grace and compassion Shirley helped to teach our girls, they thanked her, hugged her and told her how much she meant to them.
Shirley was a living testimony to courage and grace under fire. Those
last months Shirley would contact Jeanne saying, “Not sure I
can make it on Tuesday, but I’ll try.” And, of course, Shirley
was there. Her last visit was made in a wheel chair accompanied by
her daughter. In less than a week, Shirley was gone. Her absence is
measured in the hugeness of her heart. In so many ways, she is still
with us through the lessons in dedication, patience, courage, and
a remarkable spirit of giving she gave us all. As much as we grieve
- as much as we miss her - most of all, we celebrate her life.
"Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for
awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever
the same."
